The material things you gain in life are not the only things you lose when imprisoned with mind-altering chemicals. I use to think to gain material things was a sign of growth and accomplishment. Such as buying a car a new house, furniture, things that you actually don’t own. During the times that I was in a losing battle with my addiction to alcohol. I would justify my problematic use by telling myself as long as I had a paying job and bills were paid it didn’t matter to me that I was drinking daily. My future wasn’t looking too bright with letting the alcohol have full control.
Before Recovery
Before the inevitable happen where my life was heading to become institutionalized, I allowed my life to become controlled by alcohol. So bad to the point from where ever I awoke to where ever I lost consciousness, I would have a drink in my hand. However, I lost a whole lot more than my consciousness. My self-respect, my family’s trust, the loss of relationships, all my values including my health were all being pissed down the toilet along with the booze. All I knew was to drink. I learned how to make it last and how to buy the cheapest kind of beer that had the most alcohol. I felt very limited in my days like I was pulling around 50-pound weights chained to my skin. My legs and arms always felt heavy, my body felt fatigued, felt like I could feel the swelling of my liver when I would tie my shoes. To me, everyone else had the problem, always playing the victim and never holding myself accountable for my own actions. I wasn’t at peace with myself I really disliked the person that I became. I had no control of my situation if anything I was asleep at the wheel and left it on cruise control and hoped for the best. Until I wrecked my vehicle all the way into rock bottom and gained consciousness in the drunk tank.
After Recovery
When the dust cleared I had time to sit and think. I like to think of the law as a giant hand that picks you up by the back of your shirt, then places you in a corner putting you in time out. After the time out, I gained 30 days of sobriety. I was able to see and think more clear and sharper than I’ve ever felt recently, growing my ambition back. I felt a sense of accomplishment even with only one month of sobriety. I was getting back to my old self again. Along with the sobriety, the little things started to follow. Paying my bills on time, cleaning up after myself not neglecting my choirs or responsibilities. Also going to the gym daily sometimes twice a day. I was even putting more effort into my job. One of the more important things I’ve gained back was my family’s trust again. That was a warm feeling in my heart that I haven’t felt in years. I continued on with my sobriety, however, I’m not a perfect person. Like anyone else battling with an addiction, I have triggers and cravings. I attend an outpatient program as well as AA meetings. I enjoyed hearing others talk about their battle with addiction and relapse. I gain knowledge from those amazing, stories on how to cope with triggers. As well as doing a full inventory on myself and analyzing the people that I associated with while I was partaking in the devil’s nectar. Today I like being open with my sobriety not only for my benefit but in hopes of helping others that are ready to make a change in their life. After I reached my 3rd year of sobriety I often got asked: “you should be ok to drink now right?” “At least one or two” “It’s all in your head you just need to learn to control it” Well as the saying goes “one is too much and a thousand is never enough.” But if you could run a marathon in my shoes or perhaps even walk a mile in them you would have a better understanding.
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